Frozen

"Let it goooooooooo! Let it GOOOOOO! I am one with the wind and skyyyyyyyyyyy!!!"

That is a literal writing of my five year old jamming out to youtube for the thousandth time. I can laugh and belt it out with both boys so loud that the neighbors probably know the words to Let It Go regardless whether they saw Frozen or not.

But not that long ago I did all I could to avoid that movie like it was the sole reason I for every single one of my problems.

You see the day after we lost our baby I was still determined to keep our visit to our hometown as normal as possible and we promised that we would go see the movie Frozen to Theo long before our miscarriage. So I plastered on my scary happy face and went with along.

It was a beautiful and hilarious movie. The problem wasn’t the movie, it was me. I was so sad and lost that I had reached crazy land. I was laughing at the not funny parts of the movie. And psycho pants laughing at the hilarious parts. I reached a breaking point, I was in a bad place, I had lost my touch on reality, how ever you want to put it.

So we left the movie and I didn’t think of how sad I was in that exact moment again until Theo asked to watch a YouTube bit of the movie. Let It Go began to play and I was ambushed by feelings.

I shouldn’t feel this way anymore, empty, lost overwhelmingly sad. Especially since I have two beautiful souls dancing in front of me. But still every time I hear the opening chorus and ice song I am reminded that right now I should be around 14 weeks into a pregnancy. I should be feeling tiny kicks and swirls.

But really what I feel is a little empty, only for a while. That emptiness is still there.

I still sang along and danced with my babies, but by the end of the song I was singing from my heart and then crying from there too.

My boys let the song end holding me. I told them I was sad our baby wasn’t in my belly any more. Theo nodded his head in agreement understanding my words.

“I miss her too mama.”

We got up again and belted out more Let It Go, listen to Olaf’s summer song and laughed.

I’m still healing, but I am better.

At least not crazy pants anymore.

Secret ingredients

I made brownies for the boys yesterday, and this morning I woke up to a nearly empty pan of brownies. 

AND I FELT NO GUILT.

Okay so maybe letting my kids munch on brownies all day was a bad choice but I wasn't feeling as guilty as I probably would have been had these particular brownies not included a nice helping of kale, spinach and carrots. 

Yup, you read that right. KALE, SPINACH AND CARROTS. 

I have since then figured out how to add any of the above ingredients to most chocolate sweets. Pancake's birthday cupcakes? Full cup of spinach! I add the liquid ingredients to the badass Vitamix I have with the cup of raw veggie I choose and boom veggie chocolate surprise. I know there are probably some flaws in that madness but I'm okay since it has worked so far.

Without further waiting…

I altered this recipe to what I used below:

·      1/2 c sugar


·      1/4 c butter melted


·      1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate, melted 


·      1 cup of pureed spinach, kale and carrots


·      2 tsp vanilla extract


·      1 egg, beaten


·      3/4 c flour


·      1/4 c unsweetened cocoa powder

·      1/2 tsp baking powder

·      1/2 tsp salt (if using unsalted butter)

Pre heat oven to 350! 

1.) Melt your butter and chocolate chips in a saucepan over low heat.

2.) Add melted butter and chocolate to Vitamix with veggies. (You can steam them to make them easier to blend, or add a tad of water to the mix).

3.) Pour liquid mix in bowl with sugar egg and vanilla then set aside (I chose to skip this and just add them all together in Vitamix).

4.) Combine the dry ingredients, and then pour into wet ingredients bowl. 

5.) Bake for 40-45 minutes.

My tip is letting these treats cool before serving them; I think I might even freeze them next time since they were delicious cold. When researching these it was told that the veggie taste is gone once cold but I didn't notice a huge difference in the taste mostly that they just taste better in their chilly state!

Let me know how yours turn out!