Risk and benefit

*Because I hoped to keep the grieving family anonymous names are changed.*


I started the other morning as I usually do, between two sleeping babies. And because they got the memo it was Saturday and you sleep in on those days, I was awake scrolling through emails and social networks earlier than usual. In my attempts to keep my boys asleep by staying in bed and myself distracted I stumbled upon a very sad story.

A grandfather was asking for prayers and thoughts in his family's time of need his new grandson was in the hospital hemorrhaging. The source of his uncontrollable bleeding? His circumcision wound.

After the doctor removed his foreskin from his penis B's blood loss became an immense amount and no amount of platelets, clotting agents, or plasma would help. B soon started to seize and was still losing blood, his kidneys and liver began to fail. After two days of attempts to stabilize B, he died. It was later found that he was hemophiliac, and after his circumcision his body was unable to clot blood to stop the bleeding from the wound.

I shed silent tears for this family and squeezed my babies tight. I was caught in a whirlwind of emotions. My anger was boiling my blood. B had just joined the statistics of "risks" for circumcision, death being one of them. Over one hundred baby boys die from circumcision in America each year. A cosmetic surgery that is elective was the source of this and many other newborns death. I'm sure that the hospital will note that the cause of death as hemorrhaging of a hemophiliac. And the compensation that the hospital gave the family? They will pay for his funeral services. No amount of money will heal that mother's heart of the loss of her newborn.

My anger was cooled only by my sadness. The family and their grief, was ground shattering in my world. I wanted to hold that mother and tell her how sorry I was that she lost her baby boy. I wished that I could reverse time and do what the doctor should have done and warn the family about the real risk of circumcision. I wished I could have been there to at least encourage them to wait and let their son decide if he wanted to be circumcised.

But shock was the biggest emotion I was flooded with. After reading some of the comments on the report of his death, and the attack that this family was receiving while they were grieving was immense. People have no shame in claiming these parents were too ignorant and ignored the facts of circumcision. I wanted to scream at these people to show some respect and let them grieve. To stop pointing fingers and instead use that energy to educate other parents about the true risks of circumcision.

I cried and said a silent prayer and plea to please help this family through the pain and suffering they were facing. I also might have commented that those ignorantly pointing fingers had no right to do so, and made the rest of us normal intactivist look as crazy as they were acting.

But because that is what I am, an intactivist, I felt like this story and others like it should be shared (with respect) to help shed light on the real risks of circumcision. And more so than that please do not revere circumcision as a simple surgical procedure as many people and doctors do. It is a traumatic and invasive procedure. One that shouldn't be done on infants fragile bodies; especially those with heart conditions, traumatic or premature births, and any other compromising conditions.

If you or someone you know is thinking about circumcision, please consider this. It is something that cannot be undone once done. Leave the choice to your son. After all it is his body, and his choice what to do so with it.

For more information on infant circumcision please feel free to visit drmomma.org, savingsons.org, or www.WHOLEnetwork.org three of my favorite sites for accurate information on circumcision and intact boys.

Thats right I said it.

Foreskin. Foreskin. Foreskin. I'll say it again. Foreskin.
Apparently this word and the prepuce organ it describes have become a taboo in our nation.

In lue of the recent statements released by the AAP on mostly pro-cutting, there has been a lot of uproar from many people across the world. So, I thought I would just throw in some fun facts about the prepuce organ for everyone to read! (Warning it gets a wee bit graphic in this post so if you do not want to read about intimate body parts please feel free to close this post!).

The AAP's official statement can be found here: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2012/08/22/peds.2012-1989

Okay if you are lost right now I will do a quick fill in. The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) released a statement on 8/27/12 states its views for parents to cut off the foreskin of their baby boy's penis are that "The benefits outweigh the risks". Circumcising is a very touchy subject and has been for the past few years. Many (yes as well as myself) believe that this is a step too far in modifying our children that were born whole and healthy. Why cut off a healthy, vital, and very sensitive piece of our son's bodies we ask?

Where to start on this controversial subject? I would first like say that I am not here to bash on anyone that has circumcised themselves, or their sons. I truly stand by the fact that, that is your child and no one can tell you what to do with him. 

By this same saying I would like to urge all and anyone considering circumcision to not do so without doing all of your research. REAL research. Understand what purpose the foreskin has, understand the process of amputation, the very real risks, and overall understand the enormity of the decision you are making on the behalf of a minor. 

Or better yet, let him decide for himself when he can fully understand his choices.

So now that we have that all cleared up lets talk about how AWESOME foreskin can be for everyone!
Did you know?

• that the foreskin contains far more fine touch nerve receptors than the exterior parts of the female clitoris (over 20,000 verses about 8,000).
• that the foreskin is a double layered skin system and is approximately 12-15 square inches in an adult. 
• that the end of the penis is supposed to be mucosal tissue like the inside of the cheek or the inside of the eyelid.
• that the foreskin slides and has a gliding action during intercourse, all the while providing exquisite sensations for the man that shape his orgasmic response.
• that this gliding action maintains a woman’s vaginal lubrication and does not dry her vagina out, making for a more comfortable experience for both partners and eliminating the need for artificial lubricants. 
• that having the foreskin increases the girth of the penis and that it allows a man to have enough skin to accommodate his whole penis – intact men are larger. 

Oh hey, that sliding gliding foreskin sounds a whole lot more like Fifty Shades of Grey Material now right? 

In reality the foreskin on a penis is a very vital piece of the male anatomy. It keeps those sensitive glands hidden underneath safe, moist, warm and protected. Foreskin is not a dirty area if taken care of properly (by that I mean bathing on a regular basis). That skin is actually kept cleaner than most body parts just by urinating. And when being protected by that handy foreskin the glands beneath produce a antibacterial and antiviral protein called lysozyme. In return the plasma cells in the foreskin’s mucosal lining secrete immunoglobulin’s, antibodies that defend against infection! So I suppose now the real question is: Why are we still slicing these off our newborns?

Intrigued? I knew I was! If you are looking for more information about foreskin, its purpose, and/or the AAP statement's wishywashyness I would point you in the direction of the peaceful parenting website! http://www.drmomma.org/ They also provide a overwhelming amount of attachment parenting facts and advise. 

Refrence:
http://www.drmomma.org/2012/08/aap-circumcision-policy-statement.html

Dan<3

Let's get crunchy!

Recently friends and family had asked me why and how I came to choose the parenting style I use. Most of our friends and family were doubtful of our choices when Theo was born. They had expected us to rear a demon, so just questioning how I use it is a HUGE step in the right direction. In a previous blog I mentioned that I tend to dance in the green pastures of “crunchy granola mama land”. By this I mean that I practice Attachment Parenting also know as Peaceful/Gentle/Hippie/Granola/Crunchy/Natural Parenting. In this blog I’m going to roll through the major ins and outs of what this is to us, how we use it, and a few more details.

I will not go so far as to say I am an expert on this parenting style but what I do with my children work in our home and are loosely based on Attachment Parenting. Not all of this is what all AP families do. AP parenting is about meeting your baby's needs.

First off in Attachment Parenting (AP) many families begin their parenting choices when they are pregnant. By this I mean that they choose to see a midwife instead of an OB-GYN, they chose to omit ultrasounds and invasive procedures, and choose to birth their baby naturally without any drugs. These families go with trusting the mother’s body to do what it was made to do, grow healthy babies. 

I am so happy to say that both of our boys were born naturally with the help of a midwife. What was best about a midwife was that they knew me and what I wanted in each pregnancy and birth. They saw me each time at the appointment and cooed with me at the lubdub noises of the baby's heart. Both my midwives cared about me and my baby.

Theo was born at home into David’s waiting hands in a warm tub of water. Max was born in the hospital (due to a rare blood condition making our pregnancy a high risk one) to my waiting hands that scooped him up to my chest. Both boys didn’t leave my arms until they had been calmed and told they were loved a million times. (Skin to skin contact immediately after birth, it is a precious gift that only you can give your baby.) Once they did leave it was only for the shortest of time to find out their measurements, and then were quickly returned to me and rarely left again in the following weeks. These weeks that passed too quickly were the most tender moments I have ever shared with them and I will never forget their lovely newborn noises.

Another HUGE practice in AP is breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Did I mention that breast is best? In my family’s case I take this to an "extreme". We use baby led weaning and yes that means that I nurse into toddlerhood (gasp!). I don’t particularly like pumping, bottles, dummies, or frankly anyone else feeding my baby. So with this comes nursing in public. I couldn't give a hoot if someone doesn't want to see my baby eat; I’m going to feed him. Max likes to wear his cover as a turban rather than a cover, so I really do try to sit in a discreet area because I don’t want to show my boobs to anyone but if it happens then whoever got a peep usually gets an apologetic smile and I go back to nursing.

Max and I nursing in public. Notice the turban like cover. 

I love that my baby solely depends on my body to nourish his body. I really love sitting down and nursing a cooing little one that looks at you like you are the sun, moon, stars and earth all wrapped into one. With that being said I wouldn't say that it is a simple task, or that there is no sacrifice in it. Most days when I sit down to nurse, Max is so squiggly wiggly that we end up both being sprayed in the face with milk, at least twice. Sometimes if Theo is close enough he’ll get a face full too. Yeah, a distracted active baby (in other words a healthy happy baby) isn’t the easiest to nurse.

But some women cannot even get the chance to nurse their children because of lack of support. It is my belief that many women are faced with the worst difficulties of nursing (low supply, thrush, mastitis, engorgement, and more) and are unable to fight through because of the ill informed society we live in. Simple information and support from loved ones and people trusted can work miracles. Having faced each of the listed problems above I understand the extreme struggle it can be to just feed your baby. My advise to any nursing mother would be to trust your intuition, not your grandmothers saying that your milk is too thin/that baby needs a bottle/you’ll spoil him if you let fall asleep nursing. Do some research, find a lactation consultant, talk to other nursing mothers, and mostly follow your babies cues.

After nursing babies is co-sleeping and bed sharing. This is the act of having a family bed where parents and babies all sleep together. Some cases the family all share one bed, in others cribs or bassinets are attached to the bed and sleep directly next to the parents bed, and in others children sleep in separate beds in the same room. Yes, we bed share in our home. No, I am not going to roll onto my baby in my sleep. Breast feeding mothers have heightened sense of awareness of their babies, especially in newborn days and infancy. (Wooooohoooo mom magic is real!) 

Originally when I first brought Max into our bed it was just Theo and I because David was on deployment. I slept in-between the boys so Theo wouldn’t round house kick Max in his sleep. All was well. Then David came home, and we were a tad smushed in our queen-sized bed. Theo woke up after less than a week of this sleeping arrangement and told me I wanna sleep in my bed Mama, its too smushy in here. And just like that it became just Max in our bed. And every now and then Theo crawls in too and we all snuggle up. I love bed sharing its the best. I don’t have to wake up, and get out of bed, every time Max wakes up needing to nurse.  I simply roll over plug the boob in and fall back to sleep. Awesome. I know.

Another common AP practice is baby wearing. Its one of the new aspects of parenting to me, so please forgive me for not being able to give you every detail. Baby wearing is when instead of using a travel system like a stroller or the cart in a store you carry your child on your body. Some families like to wrap their babies in Moby Wraps or Sleepy Wraps (best for newborns only IMO), some like to buckle them in soft structured carriers like Ergo or Boba, while others sling them with woven wraps or Mei Ties. Some do a little of it all! There are many different baby carriers out there and each different family has different preferences.

I have found that the best part of babywearing is the ability to still do activities and have a happy baby. Baby won't let you set them down for nap? Strap them on to your back/front! How awesome is that? In fact, I write this post as Max snoozes in my ERGO Performance Carrier.

I know it looks like Max is broken here but as soon as I wrap him up he usually passes out. Hence the limp neck form!

BEWARE! Since baby wearing has become more and more popular, more and more retailers are selling less than adequate carriers . "Crotch Danglers". A proper carrier should hold your baby snuggly to your chest, back or hip and shouldn't  face your baby outwards. Your baby should not look like they are rocking the newest bikini when they are in the carrier, they should have their weight rested on their bottom with their legs slightly bent in a hugging position.

http://store.ergobaby.com/
http://www.didymos.de/en/?gclid=CN_k48bxs7UCFYqk4Aodf3QALg
http://www.mobywrap.com/
http://www.bobafamily.com/

The last large practice in our home that I find many other AP parents doing as well is natural medicine. Instead of seeing a doctor every time a cold rears its ugly head (which isn't often), I usually pull out the mega doses of Vitamin C, Echinacea, and water. When Theo became a walking bruise, with each lump, bump and scrape I wrapped his owie in arnica or calendula ointment and ice. We do not vaccinate until our children have a completely developed immune system and even then we will omit many vaccinations. We very sparingly use any other the counter medicines, and Theo has only been on antibiotics twice in his life.

I was raised in a home that practiced homeopathic medicine, and I have spent all of my life living it in granola land. It is a lifestyle that takes practice, patience, knowledge and the right resources, but all that you put in comes back hundred times in good health. And let's face it, what is better than good health?


The stuff above is just the tip of the iceberg! Other common AP practices that we use:

• Anti-Infant Cosmetic Modification. Sounds like a no brainer right? Leaving your baby to chose for themselves if they will modify their body. It means leaving babies bodies alone. No circumcision, no ear-piercing, no modifications. My take on it here.
• Elimination communication. No diapers, not potty training but just reading your baby's body signals to go potty!
• Cloth Diapers that disposable diaper you just tossed will be around to meet your great grandchildren. Gross, look into cloth diapering.
• Child led weaning/ baby led solids: skip the cereal, the airplane spoon, and nurse into  toddlerhood. No its not unnatural. In fact our society is the only one that thinks it is.
• Anti-Cry-it-out method. Its one of the most cruel and unusual methods we use on out babies. We are still parents after the sun sets. 

All of these practices work wonderfully in our home but this may not be the case for anyone else. Now if you'll please excuse me I have to go crunch on more of my granola ways!

Dan