Breast Be Best

Breastfeeding, nursing, milkies, nahnahs, and boppy are a few of the terms I have heard for nursing a baby. Want to guess which one we use? Whats that you say? Milkies? Yes, correct! We even sign "milk" to go with it.

Breastfeeding is something I really enjoy, the benefits for my babies and myself are only a happy side note to the bond that I feel with my little ones. Not to mention I get to sit down and stare into the face of my gorgeous baby several times a day!

I did a some research on this (because as awesome as it would be to know every thing about nursing sadly I do not) and went to my trusty site Breastfeeding Mamas on Facebook.CLICK HERE

Go check them out! They are a wonderful group to be a part of if you are pregnant, nursing or planning on doing either of those things in the near future. They are a group of educated (formally and informally) ladies that are always willing to help a mama out.



So between friends, cyber buddies, and experience I came up with the following breastfeeding scenarios:

1.) The booby drunk baby.
If you have nursed a little one you are sure to be familiar with the milk drunk baby. The phases of milk drunkness:
Buzzed when your little one is all smiles and joy while they coo and nurse.
Tipsy, when hand motions and speech becomes garbled and uncoordinated.
Drunk, baby's eyes are glassy when open and stare off into unknown distances. If they do speak at this point it is unrecognizable and is usually accompanied with drool.
Blacked-out, your baby has reached the point of no return when no noise or touch will rouse them, physical demanor is usually open-mouthed and occasional snorts.

There actually is a biological explanation for the milk induced stupor. When a baby begins to nurse their brain releases hormones that induce sleep. So by the time that little one has a full belly and the sleep hormones are swarming full force they stand no chance at keeping those little eyelids open. Gotta love nature.



2.) The twiddler
For some reason both my babies were under the impression that one boob would not work unless the other nipple was being "twiddled". Not familiar with the "twiddling" term? It is the act of tiny child fingers grasping your nipple while twisting, holding, or tugging on it. Not the coolest feeling in the world. Personally this drives me bonkers and I go to all lengths to protect my poor nipple. Not from the funny feeling or the tugging but from the tiny baby nails that can slice through skin like a cheese wire on a block of cheese. Ouch. Yeah, I know.


3.) The niplash
While nursing, a little one will hear/see/imagine a distraction and suddenly and energetically jerk their head around to look up down and all around the room (still firmly latched onto your boob).


4.) The showering in milk ( willingly and unwillingly)
The act of suddenly breaking latch during let down, wether it be purposefully or not, and then receiving a full face spray of milk. On good days both mother and baby will receive a face full. Need a good laugh? Spray you significant other too while they aren't looking. Then act like you have no idea why they are suddenly wet and sticky.


5.) The emergency boobie
Babies don't discriminate they don't mind when or where you're at when they are hungry they will go on the hunt for that milk. Frantically attempting to suckle anything that touches their face, squirming until they can push their face into your breasts, or sticking their hands down your shirt and rummage around like it's a Mary Poppins bag.


6.) The magic let down
No matter how far you are from your little one when they feel that tummy rumble your milk will come rushing in. I would take a guess that after spending many months sharing a body, we share an innate bond with our babies. One of the better reasons to wear your baby everywhere you go, no huge wet spots on your shirt if baby is already nursing. And if they are cover them up with the baby.


7.) The bouncy house boobies
A story that I have heard more than once: A baby nursing with mom in a reclined position. The babe's head with little neck control and in a boob drunk stupor, rolls and flops onto the other exposed breast. The breast being a wonderfully jiggly thing bounces the babes head back to the other breast. Then back to the other, and back again. The bouncing only amplified by the mama's delirious sleep deprived laughter. Best part, the baby slept through it all.


8.) The noisey boobie
When that milk is so wonderful that your little one has to tell you all about it. While they nurse of course. The garbled version of lovey coos with just the occasional spittle of milk flying.


9.) The elastic boobie
Every now and then (mostly while Pancake is teething) I'll have to break a middle of the night nursing session to get out of bed and go pee/tend to Big Brother/eat coffee ice cream. This is usually how it goes. The babe is in a deep sleep except for the occasional suckle. I begin nursing yoga (see below) and get all the way to a modified position four only to realize Pancake has used his super suction powers and still has my breast in his mouth! Its a frightening sight to see your boob stretch that much and not realize it was happening.


10.) The nursing yoga mama
Yoga to get out of bed after nursing little one to sleep.
Position one: while on side slide legs back in a reaching position towards the edge of the bed, as close to the edge of the bed as you can get.
Position two: move body over to backside with arms in air so not to wake sleeping children.
Position three: hover with arms and legs in air contracting abdominals in to an excruciating pain while child rustles and grunts in sleep.
Position four: with one leg on the floor and one on the bed bend at the waist and touch the floor, while elevating and swinging foot to the floor.
Position six: come to center with hands in prayer and bow. Namaste.


11.) The gymnurstics
Right around the time your little one begins to move independently you can count on gymnurstics commencing. They will only get better with time at hanging upside down/ putting their feet on your face/ grabbing your nose/ clinging to your moving body while they nurse. And so time will only make you better at easily catching and calming flailing toddler limbs into nursing submission.


12.) The booby trapped boobie
Sweat running down your face, your heart is racing to beat out of your chest and pain is exploding in your chest. Thats right you have been booby trapped by the mouth of a teething babe. No need to bite back to show your bigger and badder, just jump and show your in pain and the beast will release you.


13.) The bleeding boobie
In the early stages of nursing with a baby that only knows how to suckle, and a mama that isn't concrete on what a proper latch should look like, sometimes our nipples pay the consequences. Bleeding and cracked nipples are really no laughing matter. The first step in healing is helping your babe to get a proper latch (not get only the nipple in their mouth but as much breast that will fit in there). Then quickly go buy pure coconut oil, and caledula ointment to keep on your abused nipples until they heal.


14.) The enormously engorged boobie
This is for my oversupply mamas. When you sit down to nurse a little one that immediately falls into a boob stupor but is still nursing and you let down at least four or five times in the one sitting. Your other breast begins to look like it is sucking the life out of the opposite side. And when you do finally lay down the little one, instead of doing something that you might have had planned while the babe slept you frantically search for your pump to deflate your breast.


15.) The banned boobie
"You can't do that here."
"Would you please cover up while you do that?"
"There is a lovely bench in the restroom that will accommodate you."
Why are there so many people frightened of seeing a breast be used for its actual purpose? You would think with Victoria Secret boobs being shoved in our televisions, mailboxes, billboards and shopping malls across the nation we would be perfectly comfortable seeing breastfeeding in public. But we still hear those stories of mother and child being forced to leave stores and restaurants for nursing. Our nation has sexualized everything about everything. We seem to have no issue with every ad having a practically naked being, but panic when we think about having to talk about anything to do with breasts. Breastfeeding is the normal and natural way to feed your baby. Have a little nursling? Help normalize breastfeeding in public by feeding your baby where ever you are public or not.


16.) The loved boobie
From the first latch to the last your little one is going to look up at you and marvel at your beauty, love and compassion. That look alone is worth years of bleeding nipples, nighttime yoga adventures and every foot to the face. The love that rushes through your every fiber when your look into the face that you grew within you, and are now helping to continue to flourish, will always beat any nay sayer's negativity.


I know that this list is just the tiniest of lists of all the breastfeeding adventures so PLEASE leave your comments/pictures below on your favorite/funniest/scariest moments while you nursed your little one!