I pulled him close balancing the book on my enormous belly and read him about how much I loved him. He fell asleep holding my hand and resting on my belly. It almost seemed as though he was hugging his brother. Turning out the light I felt like everything was in place. The calm that had settled over us lulled me to sleep.
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| Almost 19 weeks |
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| 35ish weeks |
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| 39 weeks |
Quietly, I got out of bed and grabbed my computer. I didn't want anyone but David to be the first to know our son was ready. He was the first to know when Theo was coming and now even thousands of miles apart I still wanted him to be first. A quick email to hopefully get to him right then would be my best chance. Sealed with a prayer to please be sent properly, I hit send.
Contraction timer told me the rolling waves through my body were only getting closer together. My plan was to labor at home as long as I could and then transport to the hospital when I felt we were close. I joked with my midwife that I was planning on coming in having my baby and leaving a few minutes after. I wanted nothing to do with any intervention and knew the less time I spent actually at the hospital the less chance I would have of any happening. I may not be having the home birth I originally envisioned but I was still having a birth I would be happy with.
Knowing that five minutes apart was still early enough in active labor that I had time to shower and dress before heading to the delivery room kept me calm. I called my mama in the next room over to let her know my plan and hopped in. Hot water and my favorite smelling shampoo, what a wonderful combination. Swaying in the stream of water I realized every contraction was getting dramatically more intense. I found myself clinging to the shower bar to stay upright and knew that it was time to get moving.
Somehow I was able to turn the water off, get out, dry off, pull my hair up, and find my phone. That was where my mom found me. Bent over on the counter in the bathroom trying to text our Ombudsman to please get word to my husband that Pancake was on his way. Stopping to breath and rock through each (frequent) contraction. Worn out I hobbled to my bed where I immediately flopped down.
Oh my God, I had forgotten just how exhausting labor was. I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to the little sleeping cherub next to me and go back to bed. Looking at him I began to mourn the loss of this opportunity for Theo, to see his brother enter the world. I wanted him with me every step of the way, not since before he had been born had I faced something without him. Why should now be any different? I was terrified the bond we shared would be stretched too thin by another child if he wasn't there with me to understand this process.
But I knew that if I didn't get moving quickly Theo would very well watch his brother be born right at home like I had originally planned. So together my mom and I went through my check list, called my midwife and gathered our things to leave. All while each contractions' intensity and duration grew. As my mom put my bag in the car, Robyn helped me to waddle to the car. Half way there my knees buckled under the strength of my contraction and my water ruptured. Literally a rupture, strangest feeling ever, like your insides are liquified and spilling out of you.
I almost lost my cool right then, sitting on the living room floor with contraction after contraction rolling through my body in waves. But my mom walked in the front door and the cool breeze of the early morning reminded me that this was not my breaking point. I pulled myself up and plopped down in the car and told my mom, "Drive, and please make it quickly and smoothly."
Only after we made it down the street and to the first stop sign did I realize that this may very well be the worst idea ever. In case you never have ridden in a car while in labor let me tell how horrible and difficult it is. The last thing you want is to be moved, and the only thing you do in a car is move. Stopping and going feel like your uterus is being tugged out your throat. Oh sweet baby Jesus help me.
Somehow I was still able to dial Red Cross and rattle off David's social security number, squadron number, and where he was deployed to between my primitive growing during my contractions. The poor woman for Red Cross was just trying to get off the phone, I may have scarred her for life from having children ever.
As soon as we hung up with Red Cross, my mother turned on to the street of the hospital. Speeding like a mad woman into the hospital zone we saw the lights flashing in the mirror. A police car realizing we were going nearly thirty miles over the speed limit was tailing behind us. Closing my eyes and opening them again I was sure this was my imagination. This only happened in Hollywood, right? Nope, police lights were still flashing in the mirrors. So I did what any sensible laboring woman would do. Tell my mother that if she pulled over she would meet her grandson in her car.
Sliding into the ER parking lot, I could feel my entire uterus working to push Pancake out. "Mama, I'm Pushing." Were the only words I could make come out of my mouth. My body had taken over and my brain could only do so much. I'm not sure if the car had stopped or if the police officer opened the door for me or if my mom was the one that got the wheelchair. I was a lady on a mission. All I had to do was make it to a delivery room. Never mind that I didn't know where that delivery room was or how I was going to get there. By God I was going to get there, because then I would be able to just relax and meet my baby.
Once in the wheelchair the security guard pushed my mother out of the way and ran with me to the elevator. We later learned that he had to deliver a baby in the ER just a few days early, and wasn't looking to do that again. On the maternity floor the nurses took one look at me and hurried me to the delivery room, completely skipping the check in process. My midwife waiting for us in the room asked how far I was. I heard my mama say that I was pushing and I snapped into consciousness with the next contraction and said to the nearest person (possibly my mom) that Pancake was crowning. Hopping to action nurses asked me how I wanted to push while helping me to undress, " I don't think I can move". And bless their hearts looking at each other they shrugged and began to lay out water proof pads on the floor in front of the wheel chair I was still seated in. It was my midwife that shook her head and reminded me this was not what I wanted.
Good thing too because once I was on the bed on my knees my last contraction hit and Pancake was born. The same nurses that were willing to let me deliver in my wheelchair were lost as to how to deliver a baby in a hands and knees position. Instead of sliding him through my legs and under me, they slid him behind me. And I panicked.
"Give him to me! Give me my baby!" Over and over and over until the nurses were forced to tell me they were just trying to figure out how to do just that without pulling the umbilical cord. It was the longest few seconds of my life until someone lifted my leg and handed me my baby.
Pancake, there with full lips and a peaceful look in my arms. The room evaporated and all that was there was my baby boy.
"Good morning, Pancake. I am your mama."
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| Telling Papa Pancake was earthside |
