Recently friends and family had asked me why and how I came
to choose the parenting style I use. Most of our friends and family were
doubtful of our choices when Theo was born. They had expected us to rear a demon, so just questioning how I use it is a HUGE step in the right direction. In a previous blog I mentioned that I tend to dance in the green pastures
of “crunchy granola mama land”. By this I mean that I practice Attachment
Parenting also know as Peaceful/Gentle/Hippie/Granola/Crunchy/Natural
Parenting. In this blog I’m going to roll through the major ins and outs of
what this is to us, how we use it, and a few more details.
I will not go so far as to say I am an expert on this parenting style but what I do with my children work in our home and are loosely based on Attachment Parenting. Not all of this is what all AP families do. AP parenting is about meeting your baby's needs.
I will not go so far as to say I am an expert on this parenting style but what I do with my children work in our home and are loosely based on Attachment Parenting. Not all of this is what all AP families do. AP parenting is about meeting your baby's needs.
First off in Attachment Parenting (AP) many families begin
their parenting choices when they are pregnant. By this I mean that they choose
to see a midwife instead of an OB-GYN, they chose to omit ultrasounds and
invasive procedures, and choose to birth their baby naturally without any
drugs. These families go with trusting the mother’s body to do what it was made
to do, grow healthy babies.
I am so happy to say that both of our boys were born naturally with
the help of a midwife. What was best about a midwife was that they knew me and what I wanted in each pregnancy and birth. They saw me each time at the appointment and cooed with me at the lubdub noises of the baby's heart. Both my midwives cared about me and my baby.
Theo was born at home into David’s waiting hands in a warm tub of water. Max was born in the hospital (due to a rare blood condition making our pregnancy a high risk one) to my waiting hands that scooped him up to my chest. Both boys didn’t leave my arms until they had been calmed and told they were loved a million times. (Skin to skin contact immediately after birth, it is a precious gift that only you can give your baby.) Once they did leave it was only for the shortest of time to find out their measurements, and then were quickly returned to me and rarely left again in the following weeks. These weeks that passed too quickly were the most tender moments I have ever shared with them and I will never forget their lovely newborn noises.
Theo was born at home into David’s waiting hands in a warm tub of water. Max was born in the hospital (due to a rare blood condition making our pregnancy a high risk one) to my waiting hands that scooped him up to my chest. Both boys didn’t leave my arms until they had been calmed and told they were loved a million times. (Skin to skin contact immediately after birth, it is a precious gift that only you can give your baby.) Once they did leave it was only for the shortest of time to find out their measurements, and then were quickly returned to me and rarely left again in the following weeks. These weeks that passed too quickly were the most tender moments I have ever shared with them and I will never forget their lovely newborn noises.
Another HUGE practice in AP is breast is best. Breast
is best. Breast is best. Breast is best. Did I mention that breast is best? In
my family’s case I take this to an "extreme". We use baby led weaning and yes
that means that I nurse into toddlerhood (gasp!). I don’t particularly like
pumping, bottles, dummies, or frankly anyone else feeding my baby. So with this
comes nursing in public. I couldn't give a hoot if someone doesn't want to see my
baby eat; I’m going to feed him. Max likes to wear his cover as a turban rather
than a cover, so I really do try to sit in a discreet area because I don’t want to show my boobs to anyone but
if it happens then whoever got a peep usually gets an apologetic smile and I go
back to nursing.
 |
| Max and I nursing in public. Notice the turban like cover. |
I love that my baby solely depends on my body to
nourish his body. I really love sitting down and nursing a cooing little one
that looks at you like you are the sun, moon, stars and earth all wrapped into
one. With that being said I wouldn't say that it is a simple task, or that
there is no sacrifice in it. Most days when I sit down to nurse, Max is so
squiggly wiggly that we end up both being sprayed in the face with milk, at
least twice. Sometimes if Theo is close enough he’ll get a face full too. Yeah,
a distracted active baby (in other words a healthy happy baby) isn’t the
easiest to nurse.
But some women cannot even get the chance to nurse their
children because of lack of support. It is my belief that many women are faced
with the worst difficulties of nursing (low supply, thrush, mastitis,
engorgement, and more) and are unable to fight through because of the ill informed
society we live in. Simple information and support from loved ones and people
trusted can work miracles. Having faced each of the listed problems above I
understand the extreme struggle it can be to just feed your baby. My advise to
any nursing mother would be to trust your intuition, not your grandmothers
saying that your milk is too thin/that
baby needs a bottle/you’ll spoil him if you let fall asleep nursing. Do
some research, find a lactation consultant, talk to other nursing mothers, and
mostly follow your babies cues.
After nursing babies is co-sleeping and bed sharing.
This is the act of having a family bed where parents and babies all sleep
together. Some cases the family all share one bed, in others cribs or bassinets
are attached to the bed and sleep directly next to the parents bed, and in
others children sleep in separate beds in the same room. Yes, we bed share in
our home. No, I am not going to roll onto my baby in my sleep. Breast feeding
mothers have heightened sense of awareness of their babies, especially in
newborn days and infancy. (Wooooohoooo mom magic is real!)
Originally when I first brought Max into our bed it was just
Theo and I because David was on deployment. I slept in-between the boys so Theo
wouldn’t round house kick Max in his sleep. All was well. Then David came home,
and we were a tad smushed in our queen-sized bed. Theo woke up after less than
a week of this sleeping arrangement and told me I wanna sleep in my bed Mama, its too smushy in here. And just like
that it became just Max in our bed. And every now and then Theo crawls in too
and we all snuggle up. I love bed sharing its the best. I don’t have to wake
up, and get out of bed, every time Max wakes up needing to nurse. I simply roll over plug the boob in and
fall back to sleep. Awesome. I know.
Another common AP practice is baby wearing. Its one of the new aspects of parenting to me, so please forgive me for not being able to give you every detail. Baby wearing is
when instead of using a travel system like a stroller or the cart in a store you carry your child on your body. Some families like to wrap
their babies in Moby Wraps or Sleepy Wraps (best for newborns only IMO), some like to buckle them in soft structured carriers like Ergo or Boba, while others sling them with woven wraps or Mei Ties. Some do a little of it all! There
are many different baby carriers out there and each different family has
different preferences.
I have found that the best part of babywearing is the ability to still do activities and have a happy baby. Baby won't let you set them down for nap? Strap them on to your back/front! How awesome is that? In fact, I write this post as Max snoozes in my ERGO Performance Carrier.
I have found that the best part of babywearing is the ability to still do activities and have a happy baby. Baby won't let you set them down for nap? Strap them on to your back/front! How awesome is that? In fact, I write this post as Max snoozes in my ERGO Performance Carrier.
 |
| I know it looks like Max is broken here but as soon as I wrap him up he usually passes out. Hence the limp neck form! |
BEWARE! Since
baby wearing has become more and more popular, more and more retailers are
selling less than adequate carriers . "Crotch Danglers". A proper carrier should hold your baby
snuggly to your chest, back or hip and shouldn't face your baby outwards. Your baby should not look like they are rocking the newest bikini when they are in
the carrier, they should have their weight rested on their bottom with their
legs slightly bent in a hugging position.
http://store.ergobaby.com/
http://www.didymos.de/en/?gclid=CN_k48bxs7UCFYqk4Aodf3QALg
http://www.mobywrap.com/
http://www.bobafamily.com/
http://store.ergobaby.com/
http://www.didymos.de/en/?gclid=CN_k48bxs7UCFYqk4Aodf3QALg
http://www.mobywrap.com/
http://www.bobafamily.com/
The last large practice in our home that I find many other
AP parents doing as well is natural medicine. Instead of seeing a doctor every
time a cold rears its ugly head (which isn't often), I usually pull out the mega doses of Vitamin
C, Echinacea, and water. When Theo became a walking bruise, with each
lump, bump and scrape I wrapped his owie in arnica or calendula ointment and
ice. We do not vaccinate until our children have a completely developed immune
system and even then we will omit many vaccinations. We very sparingly use any
other the counter medicines, and Theo has only been on antibiotics twice in his
life.
I was raised in a home that practiced homeopathic medicine,
and I have spent all of my life living it in granola land. It is a
lifestyle that takes practice, patience, knowledge and the right resources, but all that you put in comes back hundred times in good health. And let's face it, what is better than good health?
The stuff above is just the tip of the iceberg! Other common AP practices that we use:
The stuff above is just the tip of the iceberg! Other common AP practices that we use:
- Anti-Infant Cosmetic Modification. Sounds like a no brainer right? Leaving your baby to chose for themselves if they will modify their body. It means leaving babies bodies alone. No circumcision, no ear-piercing, no modifications. My take on it here.
- Elimination communication. No diapers, not potty training but just reading your baby's body signals to go potty!
- Cloth Diapers that disposable diaper you just tossed will be around to meet your great grandchildren. Gross, look into cloth diapering.
- Child led weaning/ baby led solids: skip the cereal, the airplane spoon, and nurse into toddlerhood. No its not unnatural. In fact our society is the only one that thinks it is.
- Anti-Cry-it-out method. Its one of the most cruel and unusual methods we use on out babies. We are still parents after the sun sets.
All of these practices work wonderfully in our home but this
may not be the case for anyone else. Now if you'll please excuse me I have to go crunch on more of my granola ways!
Dan
