At my home visit with our midwife I told her absent-mindedly, "I keep having these dreams of delivering her unassisted. Like its no big deal just pop have a baby."
"Please don't do that to me too," Renea laughed. While working as her assistant previously that year we missed a birth that had moved incredibly quick, so quick that even standing outside the momma's house we wouldn't have made it. It was a still a small sore spot I could tell, and honestly I had no desire to deliver LaLune unattended. So we laughed it off and chatted about life.
Papa was finally home, and my mom flew in the next evening and then my tribe of wonderful friends hosted a blessing way. I wore a flower crown and a neckless full of hand chosen beads of love, my wrist was wrapped with a rainbow of good energy for birth. But most of all I laughed more than I had in weeks, and I ate some seriously delicious food. I left with my cup over flowing with love.
The next morning started early, I woke up with David before anyone. We snuggled and enjoyed the quiet, made coffee and watched movies waiting for the kids to wake up. I had been having inconsistent contraction for several days and this day was no different. I was standing in front of the warm oven since the heat felt so fabulous on my lower back when my midwife arrived to our home to have a quick appointment before her business lunch down the road.
"These are definitely painful, but not so much so that I can't speak through them. And besides that yesterday's contractions were painful too but they calmed down before anything happened." I explained to Renea.
She gently palpated my uterus and told me that after an entire pregnancy of feeling my daughter transverse, her head was finally in my pelvis. So low that she could only feel her shoulders before her body disappeared behind my pubic bone. I still told her to go to her meeting and I'd call if anything changed. She was only going to be ten minutes away anyways no sense in missing it.
I mentioned to David that I needed to go grocery shopping and that the house should be cleaned but was feeling torn because I also wanted to shower badly. I stopped to scowl at a contraction suddenly feeling frustrated and anxious with everything. He gave me a very fearful glance, " I can clean, why don't you go shower?"
I grabbed my phone to play music and began the playlist I chose for the birth. Best choice I made was to fill a playlist with music that I both loved and felt calmed by. I sang along with each one and soon was only able to lip sing the words thru contraction then I could only give a low moan. I began trying to not moan with each surge but soon realized that I was unable to and should probably be calling my midwife back.
I left the shower threw on a robe and pulled my hair up. Walking into the living room I told David and my mom that this was in deed the real deal. Upon asking David to please fill the birth tub up with air I was floored with emotions. I sat on the couch with my music and cried. I cried for my Maxx that he would no longer be the baby. I cried for the end of a beautiful pregnancy that I enjoyed. I cried at the overwhelming feeling that life was washing over me and I had zero control. My poor husband whom had just spent eight months with only men and hadn't been able to witness this series of events of birth in six years whispered to me, " You are starting to scare me. Are you okay?"
This should have been my first indicator that things were moving much faster than I had understood. I called Renea and told her to please come back and she assured me she only needed 15 minutes to pay and head out. I was suddenly remembering just how hard each surge squeezed down in my body. It was then my membranes ruptured and I had a little dose of reality. I called Renea again only five minutes later to tell her this but was overwhelmed with a contraction as soon as she answered and could only make birth noises. Thankfully she is a skilled midwife and knew exactly what I was saying, "I am six minutes away!" I could hear the traffic noise as she probably broke several traffic laws to hurry to me.
My two boys by this time had been in and out of the living room watching in wonder as I moved through each contraction. They had been playing at the table across from the couch with left over beads and Maxx cautiously scooted next to me to give me smooth glass heart beads to roll in my hands. I still have these beads on my altar at home with other precious items.
By the next contraction the whole family was hovering near me in the living room. I had told David to stop with the birth pool because I had started to push. Both him and my mother came in close and I told them I could feel her head. One solid contraction and her head passed. As I waited for the next contraction to help me I felt her tiny body rotate slowly in my palms. I was so grateful for my knowledge and completely calm as I waited. I could tell though my mother was internally panicking as she helped support my half emerged baby. My niece had been born slowly like this also but for different reasons, her tiny shoulders had gotten stuck and her birth was an anxious 4 minutes of helping her come earth side.
I knew this memory was rushing through her mind and I wanted to help her understand that this wasn't happening again. "I'm just waiting for the next contraction." I smiled and closed my eyes as my boys anxiously ran into the room to see their sister hanging out of me.
"Momma is having a baby!" They shouted and began to dance.
The next contraction had me lifting my hips completely off the couch with David's support and grabbing my daughter under the arms as her body slid out. I sat back and pulled her up to my chest. She didn't really cry but gave a good startled yell. Pink and rosy and warm I pulled her close to listen to her breath. "Hi LaLune, I'm your momma."
We all gathered round to laugh and stare at her beauty. I hadn't even realized that someone was missing from the experience until Renea flew in through my front door two minutes later to find me basking in my daughters glory. She laughed and began to make sure everyone was okay wrapping us in more warm towels and blankets.
I hadn't realized I needed a healing birth experience until I got it. I labored, pushed and caught my daughter without issue or help. All after growing her within me. I was suddenly the most powerful person I knew and it felt so good to share that moment with my new daughter because without her it would have been impossible.
