Deployment

The wave of emotions that swarm with that word is sometimes overwhelming. Anxiety to sadness. All of those feelings wash over our home every time Hubby pulls out the bags and gear. The worst part? I always am ready for him to leave by the time departure day gets here. The relief of finally having him officially on deployment, instead of just waiting on pins and needles for him to leave, is extreme. The days and weeks before hand are worse than actually being without each other. The house hums with the anxiety of waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

This is not an uncommon cycle in our home. We are on our third deployment. (David says second, I say third because being gone for a month, thousands of miles away, in a war zone, without communication is deployment in my mind).

So then can someone please tell me why these first weeks are still so horrible? From driving away to this moment my chest has a big gaping hole. It whistles a very lonely tune in the wind, and aches when I crawl in bed next to my babies. My own brand of lonely isn't the worst part though, its my babies.

Yesterday, Theo's friend told him that he should address his valentine he was making to his Daddy. Want to know his response? "No, I don't have a Daddy anymore." Um, excuse me child, WHAT?! I'm not sure if his was response was suppose to be no I don't have a Daddy, because David isn't Daddy and never has been. He has always been Papa. Or if it was his way of explaining the logistics of a deployment. Of course that statement still prompted a conversation we have had before several times:

Me: "Theo, Papa always comes home no matter how long he is gone."
Theo: "Why is Pop gone"?
Me: "Because its his job to go away and protect us and everyone else."
Theo: "Why"?
Me: "Because he loves us Boo-Boo. He will always love us even if he is gone."
Theo: "I know. I miss him. Can I have Jell-O? Can we send Jell-O to Pop"?

The upsides? I can talk to my kids about feelings. We discuss why we miss Papa, we talk about how he misses us too, we writes lists of emotions that we feel and ask Pop when he calls if he feels that way too. And most of all after the first few weeks we fall back into a routine and are great.

I have my sights set on the future. The sooner these adjustment weeks pass the sooner we can be back to our routine. Then before we know it Papa will be home. There will be many trials and tribulations in between, I know. But this just happens to be the life we live.

This too shall pass.

How do you deal with deployments/long times away from a loved one? Do you have any special routines you go through with your kids?

First Homecoming 

Dan<3