Torn

I miss my husband

I go home when David deploys for long time periods. I always have a ready excuse like the first time he went off I was VERY pregnant with Pancake and decided I really needed the help and it was too much to ask my mom and sister to come out to me. So I swallowed my pride and took my seasoned flyer Scoop, off with me to my hometown. There we waited for a baby to be born and then for Papa to head back to the States. This time I chose to come home because my niece was just born. I wanted to be a big part of her life, I wanted to be there to help me sister navigate her way through this tough labyrinth we call motherhood.

But really those reasons, good as they are, are not the reason I chose to come back to this tiny hometown. It is always and forever going to be that I miss my family while I am gone. The fact that I can grab my babies and walk ten minutes to my sisters house/wake up and have coffee with my mom/go to yoga with my Dad/hang out with David’s parents and anything else that involves having family so close by seems to beat the perks of having my own house and privacy in Virginia.

My sister, and I have always had this relationship that was more than just a sibling love. Alex is my best friend; she is the first person I call when I am frustrated or joyous. Add to that the connection we share with our mother means that being separated by many states is tough. It’s nearly as tough as it is to be separated from my husband during these deployments.

And now I face the decision of going home to Virginia to meet my husband at homecoming or staying here and patiently waiting for him to join us here. The time span between the two times of seeing him again are really only a few days, but the kicker is that if we decide to go home to Virginia to be at homecoming we miss about of month of being in the hometown with family. The reason being is that if I fly back with the babies we cross over not one, but two time zones and they need time to adjust to that, along with everything else. And remember how I said David would be joining us here in hometown soon after homecoming? Okay well that trip to the hometown is pretty much a sure thing, whether we fly out as a family together or meet him here.

Last time we did fly back and meet David. Homecoming was a little different though it was when he got to meet Pancake for the first time. Days after he got back we packed up and head to hometown for leave. This time there is not a son that he hasn’t met yet, just a family that is lonely without the Papa.

So Option A: Fly back to Virginia a month before David gets home, let babies adjust, meet Papa at homecoming, get a few days as a family, then turn around and head back to hometown for a couple weeks to turn around and come back to Virginia. It sounds… exhausting. But seeing David right as he comes home and then sharing those moments privately with only with our children sounds so worth it.

Option B: Wait in hometown with my beloved family for an extra month until Papa arrives on leave a few days after he gets into The States, share the first moments with everyone, spend leave in hometown with family, fly back to Virginia together. This sounds…anxious. But not having to put my children on an airplane and change scenery three times sounds much more beneficial for them.

Needless to say I am lost and I am lonely. I want so desperately to throw caution to the wind (and our money, damn airfare prices!) and hop on a plane. Meet David and have those moments with our family privately. Its not that I think our family doesn’t miss him the way I do, or shouldn’t be apart of this homecoming, but there is something about being there waiting that tugs at my heart.

I miss my husband.

What would you do?